It has been a while.
No, it has been ages since I last wrote here, or anywhere about anything personal, for that matter.
I just jot down notes of my thoughts down my phone’s notepad, and leave it there to rot for ages — much like my dreams, and aspirations. But I’m kidding. I kid, I kid. HA HA.
I do not want to be that person who constantly complains about life. I know that I am responsible for every decision I make, and for the things that I can’t control, I know that they happen for a reason.
How have I been? I haven’t really thought about it.
How h a v e I been?
Last night, I read about what I last wrote in here and up to this day, and I think for the rest of my life, I would feel that feeling.
I still was not able to fathom all that has happened for the past months. You know what they say: When it’s good, it’s so good. But when it’s bad, oh, you would wish that you’d just cease to exist.
I can’t say that all the good means nothing, now, because of the hell that happened. But it is just when I am done laughing, and all that’s beside me is silence, I lose control of my memories and it comes streaming down on my face.
I re-read every. single. thing. from the night it happened. It’s a curse how I can see everything. It’s both a blessing and a curse how I find everything out on my own.
Every photo, and video that I have stored in my phone and at the back of my mind brings back all the happiness that I can no longer grasp.
I want to get back to my normal life, I do. But I don’t think that is ever possible anywhere. Much like what happened after I had my first bad heartbreak, I have never been the same since.
It’s like life wants me to be stone cold, even though I want to be sunshine and rainbows. I cannot be that person, sadly. Life doesn’t want me to be that person.
While I’m writing this at the moment, I needed to take a break every now and then for if I continue on and on I may just break down in the middle of work.
I don’t really know where I am going with this, all I know is that I wanted to write again. I did a really serious review of something last night and it just brought me back to how much I missed writing without really thinking so hard, you know what I mean? I have missed it when everything just flowed naturally, when I didn’t have to force anything.
Life has taught me so much lately. It showed me so much, and made me feel way more.
Ten days from now it will be my 21st year in existence. Looking back, I can remember writing 20 things on turning 20. The year that has gone by has been a massive whirlwind.
Here I am, again.
So, how have I been?
It’s been tough, and so have I.
Poetries and Skies 